23. Thousand

A thousand years ago, I started a 30 day writing challenge. Ok, ok, perhaps it wasn't quite a thousand years ago. But who would have thought it would take me five years to even contemplate finishing it. 

I've been through a thousand things and faced a thousand challenges in the past five years, and somehow I stopped writing. I don't really know specifically how that happened, but I know that it hurts my heart to read back over the posts on this little blog and realise that I seem to have misplaced the part of me that was able to spin words into sentences that made me feel something. 

I know that for some, the whole point of writing is to make others feel something, but for me it was a way of touching my feelings, holding them in my hands and getting familiar with them, and then leaving them on the page so that I could go on to face other things. It was a way of embracing and letting go at the same time. 

After the thousands of times this year that I have wished I was better at handling my feelings, I figured maybe it was time for me to come back here and try, once again. Try to spin my thoughts and feelings into something that I think is beautiful, even if it's painful at the same time. There's something about being able to see the beauty in pain that makes pain a lot easier to handle. 

So here I am, with a thousand sentences swirling around in my head, a thousand options, a thousand combinations... completely unsure of what to say, if I'm honest. I want to keep writing, to drag this post out as long as I can in hopes that maybe this time it'll stick, maybe this time it'll work, maybe if I just don't stop writing...